When faced with a blank page in Microsoft Word, the world went a bit weird momentarily. The horror of the realisation that I’ve probably not done an “essay” for the best part of ten years since I royally tanked a Social Sciences degree. My ‘E’ key sticks a bit (that’ll be the tea I spilled on the laptop 5 years ago then) and I’m having to get used to typing on an actual keyboard again (which doesn’t autocorrect your spellings) and means you have to stretch your fingers.
One thing is abundantly clear, I’m going to have to cut my nails. They keep pressing the key above the key I’m supposed to be pressing and I’m seeing a lot of the little red squiggle of doom (not AF, the incorrect spelling one. Second only to the green squiggle of doom which means ‘your grammar is shit Starky, did you forget that full stops existed?’)
Hang on, I’m really going to have to trim my talons. I don’t know where the nail clippers are though. Mr Starky will have helpfully tidied them away to the most unlikely place ever, they’re probably in the dog basket.
I decided to do some actual writing before spending the next 16 hours deciding how my blog is going to look. That also takes me back, to a time before Facebook when there was only MySpace. And I’d spend days perfecting the theme. Changing the title song, faffing with tickers and putting my name in a glittery font. Changing the order of my ‘Top friend’ on a rotation so nobody felt left out. I looked at the blank blog page and I was 17 again! But don’t worry, I’m not half as maudlin as I was then and you wont be greeted by Avril Lavigne wailing plaintively every time you visit. (I have got her on you tube right now though, for nostalgia and posterity!)
I feel like a hipster, having a blog. In my mind I need a pair of thick black rimmed Joe 90 glasses and a jaunty beret. It wouln’t match my current outfit of pink Ugg boots, polar bear jammy bottoms and a Hogwarts hoody (Go Hufflepuff!) but i’d feel infinitely cooler. I definitely need a “Blogging hat” I’ve got one which is essentially Grover from Sesame Street, that’ll have to do.
Where do I start?! Probably with some stats! So, I’m Starky, Im 29 and me and my wonderful husband decided to start trying for baby last November or so. Its been a minefield of Ovulation predictor kits, charting cervical mucus and being confused as balls!
I’m genuinely gobsmacked at how hard it is to make a person! All those stories you’re indoctrinated with as a 15 year old “IF YOU BRUSH UP NEAR A WILLY YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY GET PREGNANT AND HAVE TWINS AND YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN!!” Now, I fully agree with discouraging school kids against it, but when you get down to the nitty gritty, it’s a shock to discover that actually, its really bloody difficult! it’s a surprise to me that the human race even exists!
So its been a journey so far, and I’ve been fortunate enough to find a wonderful bunch of equally hysterical, slightly psychotic and utterly lovely women who are on the road with me. (Via the internet of course, its really tricky to talk about in real life!) It was them who encouraged me to start a blog. So this is for you guys, the Hugh and Doreen massive. We’re like a gang, but less street crime and backwards hats and more wine, biscuits and basal temping.
On a side note, I did start a gang once, but it was just me and my mate. We had a handshake and everything but she kept forgetting it and it was only me who took it seriously. Thug Life. Peace Out.
(The nail clippers were on top of the washing machine, nestled between a measuring jug and the iron. The obvious place to keep them i think you’ll all agree.)